What will I be remembered for??

Have you ever posed this question to yourself?  

I know I have many times over my almost 48 years on this big blue rock.  There have been times when I really feel like I know definitively who I am, or actually who I am growing to become.  I am one of those people who gets excited about trying new things.  (within reason of course because I am a mom and a scaredy cat I don't put myself into too many precarious or dangerous situations).    

At this moment as I am typing this sitting at my desk, outside my window we have several bird feeders.  There are two baby House Finches sitting in a bush just below the feeder.   The mother Finch is at the feeder picking out the best seeds. She then hops down onto the bush near the baby birds and they flap their little wings frantically, I can only guess this is to get their momma's attention so she can feed them.  They open their beaks so big and wide and very carefully and gracefully the momma bird places food into their mouths.  Now I know they are birds but do they think their momma bird plays favorites?  Do you think they worry if one gets more food than the other?   I know as a mom, my kids have often thought both of those things, even though they aren't true.  I really do love my kids all equally.   They are all different in many ways and also quite the same in several other ways.  

But, I do love them all the same!  

Seeing all the young fledgling birds in the yard lately really makes me think about how wonderful being a parent is.  It also reminds me how scary it can be at the same time. These tiny versions of their parents, trying to fly straight, eat at a feeder like their parents do and balancing precariously on a tiny branch waiting and hoping that mom and/or dad brings them some food to keep them growing and maturing so that one day they may be able to pro-create and be the one who is leading the way for their own brood.  

I too want to lead the way.  I want to be the confident momma bird who not only sustains my babies lives by feeding them and keeping them safe from predators but, I also want to be the confident momma who doesn't even flinch when my babies fly off and just barely miss hitting a window. This little bird really impressed me.  She seemed so calm, cool and collected.  I aspire to be that kind of mom.   Although at this moment I am so very far away from being even remotely un-anxious about life and the world outside of our protective nest.  

Becoming a grandparent doesn't make anything easier, it actually increases the anxiety.  We want our kids to have a better life than we had and protect them from the mistakes we made as young people.  We want things to be easier for them.  But why doesn't it seem like it is??   To me, as my kids get older I feel as if I have more to worry about.  Like that momma bird, she has to let her babies leave the nest and fly on their own.  Eventually she stops feeding them and they are left to fend for themselves.  If they cannot learn to find food and water they eventually will cease to exist.  

That is the part that makes me so scared and causes me the most anxiety!  What if I haven't taught them enough to survive?  
What prompts us to all of a sudden just question the thing we have been doing for so many years?    

Being part of a family means we support one another no matter what!

While it is true that everyone has a different idea about what family means to them.   Some are more close knit, some are spread out over many states or even countries.   

As for my family, the one I grew up with as a child, meant family members all over.  Some I keep in touch with and others I haven't talked to in decades.  My immediate family, and by that I mean my husband, children and granddaughter are all very close knit.  We look out for one another.  If one of us hurts, we all hurt.  When one is sad we rally around that one and do our best to make them smile and show them the silver lining in whatever the situation happens to be.   

Right now we are rallying around our oldest daughter and granddaughter. 

Why, you ask?  

Well because unfortunately some people mature faster than others.  Her and I have had our issues in the past and in my opinion, it is the past and it is over.   The only thing we can do is move forward in a positive light.  She has definitely matured faster than we could have ever hoped for, and unfortunately her boyfriend (baby's dad) isn't growing at the same rate.   

She has done everything she could possibly do to keep things afloat in an often tumultuous relationship.  A relationship that started when they were both 15 yrs old.   Although it lasted but a year and then was reinvigorated again about 18 months ago.  They have never really been on the same level.   Now, I am not putting him down but, when you have a child together with someone there has to be big changes made to the way you live your life.   

You now have another human being who is completely and utterly dependent on you both to support, encourage, feed, wash, dress and teach the important things in life.   You have to work harder, lose sleep, miss meals or eat them cold.  Baby comes first in most relationships right?    

Well not in this boy's eyes.  I had the mom radar go off shortly after she was born when he couldn't take a day off to drive her and their baby home from the hospital.   It isn't easy to sit by and not say something when you see your child giving and giving and getting nothing back in return.  All I could do was be supportive and encouraging.   Trying to include a boy who caused our family so much strife and emotional pain when they were both 15.   We pushed all the negativity aside and just moved on because of our daughter.   She is our family and we don't duck out on our family.  Even when we don't like the choices they make, we don't quit on them.   We patiently wait until their blinders are off and they see the real picture.  

Reality for her lately has been a very crappy apartment, filled with bugs and mice that she has really worked her ass off to keep under control.  All while taking care of the cooking (if they had enough money to buy food), cleaning (if she even had the energy), taking care of a newborn who after 4 weeks ended up in the hospital for a week with a stomach virus.   All of this while he had money for cigarettes, energy drinks and oh yea...beer, and he is underage!!   He couldn't understand the depth of her exhaustion.  He didn't understand when he gave her an ultimatum for her to choose him or his family, she chose her family.   He didn't understand that keeping her away from her family would only draw her closer to her family and further away from him.  We had to learn this when she was 15 and we knew if we forbade her seeing him, that it only pushed her towards him more.

Because of his not understanding, he lost an amazing young woman.  She is a great mom, she has grown up so much and matured quickly.   Taking to parenthood so naturally.   Like every mom she feels as if she is never doing enough for her baby.  Even though she is doing everything and then some extra despite her lack of sleep.    

Sunday was the turning point for her.  She found out he had been saving money on the side and didn't think she needed to know about it.  All while she had no money for gas to go anywhere, there was no food in the house and she was hungry, but he had his cigarettes and energy drinks, neither of which are cheap.  Then he tells her she isn't doing enough!!  Here is where I get pissed off, because you do not tell a new mom who hasn't eaten well and has sleep deprivation that she isn't doing enough.   Telling her that cut right through her heart.  

The title of this post says it all......we are family, we stick by one another when one is weak we help them along.  When one is hungry we share our food.  When one is sick we nurse them back to health.   FAMILY!!  We are there for each other no matter what the circumstance.  It is just who we are!!    I know not all families are this way but ours is and I don't think ours is better than any other family, it just is how we do things.   

Well the sun is up and I am sure I have babbled enough.  Sorry if this post kind of goes all over the place but, I tried to let it flow and develop on it's own.   
I had best get moving since today is a new day and we have lots to accomplish.  I have all of my kids under one roof again along with my beautiful granddaughter.

  Our family is strong....we will bend and flow with the changes that have been made.   We will grow in strength and wisdom.  

We are a family!!  

My place in the sun

Since I have moved my desk to the "sunroom" out from the darkened corner of the living room it was previously in.  I love the view I have of the bird feeders in the backyard, and the flower gardens.  Even the view of the pool is nice because I can keep an eye on the kids so that they do not drown one another when hormones spike or the boy pisses off mini me.   I even love that my husband gave up his amazing office chair that is so damn comfy and it has a massage thingy on it that is heavenly on my damaged shoulder blade.    

But, the sun is freaking HOT right here by the windows.   I think I might actually be getting a tan just typing this.   I am sweating and everything.   

Note to self....blog at your desk after the sun has come up over the house.  It's like a sauna in here!   I had best hydrate!!  

Hormones and the ability to remember...

Do hormonal girls forget how they were when they were pre-teens??   

I keep wondering if I was as annoying as my 11 year old is!!   

I don't recall my younger pre-period self being so obnoxious and downright bitchy!!   Hey, maybe I was but I don't recall it for sure.  Is there something in our biological makeup that allows us to forget these things?   

I am assuming it would be whatever chemical process that allows us as mom's to forget the pain of contractions and child birth, well temporarily anyway at least till we pop out another screaming, poop/puke machine!!  

After the first contraction I was like..."oh yea, I forgot how much labor and delivery sucks!!"   

Sure makes me glad that I am not having any more kids.   Labor and delivery is for the young and full of energy.   Not me, middle aged and mentally drained from dealing with teen boy and pre-teen girl angst!!  

Every time they get all "angsty" I just want to run and lock myself in our bedroom with a beer, nachos and chocolate till it all is quiet.   

I am sure I can't be alone in the angstyness....Please share in the comments below!!   

~Melissa aka-Imperfect Mom~ 

"Healthy" eating and what it means to me

Do you eat "healthy"?   
I ask because there are so many schools of thought on this very subject. 

As a mom I try to serve and eat healthy, balanced meals.  Which isn't always an easy task, especially if you have picky eaters.   I am pretty lucky that our kids aren't too terribly picky with foods.   For several years now I have tried to diet and lose weight trying everything under the sun.   No Gluten, No Carbs, No sugar, No processed foods, No Fat...and on and on.  We were even Vegetarian for almost a whole year.  Always coming back to a basic diet of balanced meals and treats. 

Which is where I find myself now. 

I believe the word my grandmother used to use is "Moderation".  Not always an easy task being a choco-holic and someone who does enjoy beer, wine or a mixed cocktail of sorts on occasion.   

We don't eat out much and if we do there are only a few places that I actually "LIKE" to eat at.  Wait let me rephrase that and say, a few places "I TRUST" to eat at.  We do not eat at McD's,  BK or Subway anymore.  Not to say I haven't in the past fed them from those places.   But, as a personal preference we choose to not eat there anymore.  I don't judge anyone for eating there either just as an FYI!!  We do occasionally enjoy Culver's for a burger if we are out.  But hey they have famous custard there!!  :)

Another reason why we don't eat out much is because I have discovered that I can make similar items at home, with more natural "whole" ingredients, no preservatives and added sugars, salts and refined fats, and they taste so much better.   I had to learn this when I went Gluten free for a few months to test my gut.   We have also saved lots of money from not going out to eat.  Not to mention the chemicals that stay out of our bodies.   

Now I don't make everything from scratch, I wouldn't have time to write this blog if I did, but I do try and keep the few processed items in the pantry to a minimum.  

Previous to this blog, I did have a couple of "foodie" blogs I was managing but would end up so over obsessed that I got burnt out on them.  Besides I felt pigeon holed into one certain food style since one was a LOW CARB venture, and one was mostly Vegetarian.  I think I will share some of the recipes on a page at the top of this blog, to share a few recipes that I have either come up with, tweaked from an original or just remade to be a bit more healthful.  Perhaps one of these will help someone else make different choices with food or even make someone think and change it up to suit their own needs.   I sure hope if you do that you comment and let me know which recipes you liked and which didn't work out so well for you and your family.   

Thanks for reading...and for those who have taken the time to comment I also thank you, it helps a lot to hear where other people stand on things.   :)

Loving ourselves just as we are!

Venus and the Lute Player (1565–1570) by Titian

In this world where "thin is in" and supermodels are touted as "perfect specimens of womanhood" it really saddens me to hear other women who are moms putting themselves down.   I was reading a blog today and it kind of spurred this post today.  

I too am guilty of such behavior.   It sucks to turn on TV or read a magazine and the women in there are all thin, fit and don't have a mark or scar on them.  *Thank you photo shop*  Unless of course you are reading or watching something specifically geared toward overweight people.  Even then they are pushing everyone to be on a diet or exercising till they pass out, throw up or both!    We perpetuate the stigma that being overweight is bad and to some just plain gross and we need to stop this now and be accepting of every shape and size person.  Judging people for size is the same as judging people because of color.  Are you indeed a better person if you are thin??  (I know many mean spirited and angry thin people).

Back in prehistoric times the skinny women were not chosen as mates.  The "sturdier" women were the ones to go after because they were deemed healthier and more able to handle the rigors of survival.  

Go to a museum and look at paintings by famous artists where a naked woman is the subject.   More often than not those women had curves and cellulite dimples.   They are beautiful works of art!!  

Being thin does not make you a "beautiful person".  Nor does being fat make you a "disgusting pig".  

Being an overweight woman myself I have heard the whispers, comments and put downs. Even if it they aren't said at a level where I was supposed to hear, I did. Often times I would just try to ignore them and move forward.  But it doesn't mean the words don't hurt and leave scars deep inside.  


"Why is she even eating, it isn't like she couldn't stand to lose a few pounds!"

"She has such a pretty face and a great personality, too bad she is HEAVY."

"I can't believe they let her have a baby being as fat as she already is." 

*Then there are the comments from people who are supposed to love you.* 

"If you don't do something about your weight, no man is ever going to love you."  (this one came from my own mother just so you know)

"You have such a beautiful face, here is a salad" (instead of ice cream that we are all going to eat in front of you.)


I have always tried to fit in, and be funny.  I would constantly put myself down and point out to the whole room that I was fat before someone else did.   I figured if I just talk about the "proverbial white elephant" in the room then it is out there.  Everyone would know I am aware of my size and we can just move on.   It isn't fun to feel as if you have to put yourself down in order for people to like you.   

It took a long time to realize that if someone holds my weight against me in any way shape or form, then they don't deserve to be in my life.  

As a young adult I was happy with my body and I felt sexy.  After I had kids I didn't feel quite so sexy anymore and I didn't have anyone in my life that told me I was wrong for feeling that way.  I just kind of went with what society said was sexy and I decided that since I had kids I was no longer just living for me and I would just be a good mom and not worry about my own happiness or how I felt. 

I learned to be happy with myself and my body again.  Much of that happiness has happened in the past 5 years.  I have many friends who have actually told me that they never saw me as the size I am.  I was just Melissa, funny, loving and kind!!  

 My husband loves my body and has taught me to love my body again.  He tells me that my body is a playground and that he loves every inch of it!!  I have rolls on my tummy, and stretch marks and my boobs are not as perky as they were when I was younger, but that my friends is natural aging.  I am almost 48 years old.  I am not meant to look like I am 28, nor do I want to.
  We have sex more often than I ever thought a married person ever did.  We still have kids living in the house too.   Our kids are 14 and 11 and we are raising them to be proud of their body, no matter what shape it is.  They are healthy and active kids.   We feed our kids healthy foods, and sure they get treats on occasion.  No food is OFF limits in our house but the sugary ones and higher carb stuff is pretty limited.   


 I have been overweight since puberty, I have gained weight and I have lost weight.  At this time I have no major medical issues, as I have been hypothyroid since I was 10. 

 Does that contribute to my weight issue?  Yes, probably.  It sure doesn't make it easier to lose weight that is for sure. 
 Have I dieted?  Yep, you betcha I have.  I have done every diet/fast/program there is!!  (with the exception of surgery, which I believe is a personal decision and I know many people who have had surgery and I commend them for their bravery for making that decision for themselves.  I am not against it, just not something I think of as an option for myself.) 

The purpose for this rambling post is that we as human beings come in all different sizes.  Let's love each other for what is in our hearts and heads.   No one person is better or worse because of their size, color, religious preferences, who they love, what they eat...and the list goes on and on. 

 We are HUMANS....imperfect beings trying to all survive on this big blue rock, love yourself for your strengths!!  

Love your body for the amazing and miraculous things it does everyday!! 

For all you moms out there thinking that your body is "ruined" and will never be like it was before you had kids......Be so proud of yourselves and love your bodies, stretch marks, scars, saggy boobs and all.  You are bringing forth life into this crazy world.  Lives that can change the world, you have nourished and nurtured wonderful beings that just might grow up to change history, discover planets beyond the reaches we know now, or they might be the one who cures disease and heals our society!!   

You are all AMAZING!!   
     

Happy 4th of July!!

                   Happy Independence Day!   

Here at Imperfect Mom Chronicles we would like to wish you and your family a very happy 4th of July!   Stay safe and  have lots of fun, but please drink responsibly and come back with all of your body parts still attached!!   Hopefully the weather is good where you are and if it isn't I hope you make the best of the day!!  For those that have to work, I hope you get a little special time today to enjoy yourself.   

I would like to personally thank all of the service men and women who have dedicated their lives to keeping our country free and protecting and defending Old Glory!! Without you we would not enjoy the freedoms we have today!!  So thank you very much for your service and dedication to keeping our country safe!!  

God Bless America!!

Happy Birthday Hubby!!

                 HAPPY BIRTHDAY J.R.!!

    Today I want to wish this incredible man the very happiest of birthday's!!  He is 67 years young today.   Everyone who knows him, loves him!!  I have yet to meet anyone that has met him that didn't like him right away.   He is so very thoughtful and kind to every person he meets.   He treats everyone with the utmost respect and dignity.  I could not have asked for a better partner in life or a better father for our children.   He amazes me daily with his grace and humor.   I have never loved anyone as much as I love this guy!!  His laugh is infectious and he has an amazing sense of humor and often enlightens us with absurd things that not only make you think about things in a way you wouldn't have before.   He is so supportive and encouraging of everyone.   He believes in me and praises me probably more than he should.  (I don't think I am nearly as great as he portrays me to be), But I love him even more for thinking I am that person.   He makes me want to be the best version of myself and has taught me how to take chances.  For instance with my writing and blogging, he is the reason I felt brave enough to even take the leap and give it a try.   

I love everything about this man, he is father to our kids, friend to all who meet him, my husband, my lover, my comic relief and my BEST FRIEND!!   

Happy Birthday honey......I hope your day is special because we love you so very much!!!   

Becoming a Grandma

I became a "Nana" 15 days ago and have had a lot of people ask me, "How does it feel to be a grandma?"   I can honestly say I don't really feel different in any way really...I just know that this little baby is so sweet and adorable and I love holding her and hearing her little squeaks as she sleeps.   

The one thing I do notice is that I have so much more patience with her!!  She cries and I just talk to her and sing to her and she calms down so easily.   (I know this may not last forever that she calms easily but for now I am liking it).  

I theorize that when she learns to talk and calls me Nana for the first time, that might be the moment I feel different!!    
I love that my daughter is such a good mom, and that our son and mini me daughter just love her to pieces and they are so good with her.   Gentle and sweet and they love holding her and loving on her just as much as I do.   

How can you not love that face!!   <3