Being part of a family means we support one another no matter what!

While it is true that everyone has a different idea about what family means to them.   Some are more close knit, some are spread out over many states or even countries.   

As for my family, the one I grew up with as a child, meant family members all over.  Some I keep in touch with and others I haven't talked to in decades.  My immediate family, and by that I mean my husband, children and granddaughter are all very close knit.  We look out for one another.  If one of us hurts, we all hurt.  When one is sad we rally around that one and do our best to make them smile and show them the silver lining in whatever the situation happens to be.   

Right now we are rallying around our oldest daughter and granddaughter. 

Why, you ask?  

Well because unfortunately some people mature faster than others.  Her and I have had our issues in the past and in my opinion, it is the past and it is over.   The only thing we can do is move forward in a positive light.  She has definitely matured faster than we could have ever hoped for, and unfortunately her boyfriend (baby's dad) isn't growing at the same rate.   

She has done everything she could possibly do to keep things afloat in an often tumultuous relationship.  A relationship that started when they were both 15 yrs old.   Although it lasted but a year and then was reinvigorated again about 18 months ago.  They have never really been on the same level.   Now, I am not putting him down but, when you have a child together with someone there has to be big changes made to the way you live your life.   

You now have another human being who is completely and utterly dependent on you both to support, encourage, feed, wash, dress and teach the important things in life.   You have to work harder, lose sleep, miss meals or eat them cold.  Baby comes first in most relationships right?    

Well not in this boy's eyes.  I had the mom radar go off shortly after she was born when he couldn't take a day off to drive her and their baby home from the hospital.   It isn't easy to sit by and not say something when you see your child giving and giving and getting nothing back in return.  All I could do was be supportive and encouraging.   Trying to include a boy who caused our family so much strife and emotional pain when they were both 15.   We pushed all the negativity aside and just moved on because of our daughter.   She is our family and we don't duck out on our family.  Even when we don't like the choices they make, we don't quit on them.   We patiently wait until their blinders are off and they see the real picture.  

Reality for her lately has been a very crappy apartment, filled with bugs and mice that she has really worked her ass off to keep under control.  All while taking care of the cooking (if they had enough money to buy food), cleaning (if she even had the energy), taking care of a newborn who after 4 weeks ended up in the hospital for a week with a stomach virus.   All of this while he had money for cigarettes, energy drinks and oh yea...beer, and he is underage!!   He couldn't understand the depth of her exhaustion.  He didn't understand when he gave her an ultimatum for her to choose him or his family, she chose her family.   He didn't understand that keeping her away from her family would only draw her closer to her family and further away from him.  We had to learn this when she was 15 and we knew if we forbade her seeing him, that it only pushed her towards him more.

Because of his not understanding, he lost an amazing young woman.  She is a great mom, she has grown up so much and matured quickly.   Taking to parenthood so naturally.   Like every mom she feels as if she is never doing enough for her baby.  Even though she is doing everything and then some extra despite her lack of sleep.    

Sunday was the turning point for her.  She found out he had been saving money on the side and didn't think she needed to know about it.  All while she had no money for gas to go anywhere, there was no food in the house and she was hungry, but he had his cigarettes and energy drinks, neither of which are cheap.  Then he tells her she isn't doing enough!!  Here is where I get pissed off, because you do not tell a new mom who hasn't eaten well and has sleep deprivation that she isn't doing enough.   Telling her that cut right through her heart.  

The title of this post says it all......we are family, we stick by one another when one is weak we help them along.  When one is hungry we share our food.  When one is sick we nurse them back to health.   FAMILY!!  We are there for each other no matter what the circumstance.  It is just who we are!!    I know not all families are this way but ours is and I don't think ours is better than any other family, it just is how we do things.   

Well the sun is up and I am sure I have babbled enough.  Sorry if this post kind of goes all over the place but, I tried to let it flow and develop on it's own.   
I had best get moving since today is a new day and we have lots to accomplish.  I have all of my kids under one roof again along with my beautiful granddaughter.

  Our family is strong....we will bend and flow with the changes that have been made.   We will grow in strength and wisdom.  

We are a family!!  

Food for thought

Not everything in my life revolves around my kids.   I know, shocking right?   

I have issues with food.  

There I said it!!  Now it is out in the open for all to read.  *sigh* 

I have struggled my whole life with being overweight, nay let's just come out and say it...FAT!!   Yep I am fat.   Get all the fat jokes out of the way.....

(everyone done with the fat jokes?  Okay lets move on then. )

Okay, so I hate dieting, I hate counting calories, I hate restrictions on the things I love, and I hate being made fun of because of my weight, or taken less serious because of my size.  I also realize and am sympathetic to those who are on the opposite side who have trouble gaining weight.   

Since I have been together with my husband I think we have completely revamped our way of eating at least 10 times in the past 5 years!!  That is quite a bit of change.  We were Vegan for a few weeks, and we were even vegetarians for 1 full year.   I have done Gluten Free, Weight Watchers and Low Carb.   I even had times when I said "fuck it" I am just eating whatever the hell I want.    Which that phase never ends well.  I end up feeling way worse than I ever did before.  

So why am I posting about my weight and my love of food?   Well because it is part of who I am.   It is part of my story, my life, and the way I interact with others.   Food seems to be the center of lots of social activity!!   We celebrate with food...for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, summertime bbq's, and everything in between.  

At one point not too very long ago I considered writing a cookbook.  My husband and many friends have told me that I make great food.   So, I started writing down recipes and because I am such a foodie...I took pictures of my meals.   

YES, I am one of those people who posts their meals on Facebook frequently!!   Annoying to most but many of the people I am friends with on FB appreciate and ask for recipes.   

My place in the sun

Since I have moved my desk to the "sunroom" out from the darkened corner of the living room it was previously in.  I love the view I have of the bird feeders in the backyard, and the flower gardens.  Even the view of the pool is nice because I can keep an eye on the kids so that they do not drown one another when hormones spike or the boy pisses off mini me.   I even love that my husband gave up his amazing office chair that is so damn comfy and it has a massage thingy on it that is heavenly on my damaged shoulder blade.    

But, the sun is freaking HOT right here by the windows.   I think I might actually be getting a tan just typing this.   I am sweating and everything.   

Note to self....blog at your desk after the sun has come up over the house.  It's like a sauna in here!   I had best hydrate!!  

Hormones and the ability to remember...

Do hormonal girls forget how they were when they were pre-teens??   

I keep wondering if I was as annoying as my 11 year old is!!   

I don't recall my younger pre-period self being so obnoxious and downright bitchy!!   Hey, maybe I was but I don't recall it for sure.  Is there something in our biological makeup that allows us to forget these things?   

I am assuming it would be whatever chemical process that allows us as mom's to forget the pain of contractions and child birth, well temporarily anyway at least till we pop out another screaming, poop/puke machine!!  

After the first contraction I was like..."oh yea, I forgot how much labor and delivery sucks!!"   

Sure makes me glad that I am not having any more kids.   Labor and delivery is for the young and full of energy.   Not me, middle aged and mentally drained from dealing with teen boy and pre-teen girl angst!!  

Every time they get all "angsty" I just want to run and lock myself in our bedroom with a beer, nachos and chocolate till it all is quiet.   

I am sure I can't be alone in the angstyness....Please share in the comments below!!   

~Melissa aka-Imperfect Mom~ 

"Healthy" eating and what it means to me

Do you eat "healthy"?   
I ask because there are so many schools of thought on this very subject. 

As a mom I try to serve and eat healthy, balanced meals.  Which isn't always an easy task, especially if you have picky eaters.   I am pretty lucky that our kids aren't too terribly picky with foods.   For several years now I have tried to diet and lose weight trying everything under the sun.   No Gluten, No Carbs, No sugar, No processed foods, No Fat...and on and on.  We were even Vegetarian for almost a whole year.  Always coming back to a basic diet of balanced meals and treats. 

Which is where I find myself now. 

I believe the word my grandmother used to use is "Moderation".  Not always an easy task being a choco-holic and someone who does enjoy beer, wine or a mixed cocktail of sorts on occasion.   

We don't eat out much and if we do there are only a few places that I actually "LIKE" to eat at.  Wait let me rephrase that and say, a few places "I TRUST" to eat at.  We do not eat at McD's,  BK or Subway anymore.  Not to say I haven't in the past fed them from those places.   But, as a personal preference we choose to not eat there anymore.  I don't judge anyone for eating there either just as an FYI!!  We do occasionally enjoy Culver's for a burger if we are out.  But hey they have famous custard there!!  :)

Another reason why we don't eat out much is because I have discovered that I can make similar items at home, with more natural "whole" ingredients, no preservatives and added sugars, salts and refined fats, and they taste so much better.   I had to learn this when I went Gluten free for a few months to test my gut.   We have also saved lots of money from not going out to eat.  Not to mention the chemicals that stay out of our bodies.   

Now I don't make everything from scratch, I wouldn't have time to write this blog if I did, but I do try and keep the few processed items in the pantry to a minimum.  

Previous to this blog, I did have a couple of "foodie" blogs I was managing but would end up so over obsessed that I got burnt out on them.  Besides I felt pigeon holed into one certain food style since one was a LOW CARB venture, and one was mostly Vegetarian.  I think I will share some of the recipes on a page at the top of this blog, to share a few recipes that I have either come up with, tweaked from an original or just remade to be a bit more healthful.  Perhaps one of these will help someone else make different choices with food or even make someone think and change it up to suit their own needs.   I sure hope if you do that you comment and let me know which recipes you liked and which didn't work out so well for you and your family.   

Thanks for reading...and for those who have taken the time to comment I also thank you, it helps a lot to hear where other people stand on things.   :)

To Bra or not to Bra??

Today I was more aware than usual that I am almost always Bra-less.  

Is it a problem for me? 

No, not at all!
I am a stay at home mom who is more often than not "at home", so I honestly don't feel the need to restrain the girls just for a day of being at home.  Whether I am doing housework, laundry, reading a book or blogging I don't feel the actual need to feel all restrained and bound up.  

*so now you are all picturing me bra-less blogging now aren't you?   Admit it..I know you are.*

Now, let me get something clear, I do shower everyday so it isn't like I am laying around in the same clothes everyday until I find it necessary to strap the girls up and take em out for a ride to the grocery store!!

This is the type of shirt I wear everyday...only when I am within the boundaries of our house and yard.  They are comfortable, not see through and everything is covered.  I can safely answer the door and not feel too exposed.  It also gives a great back view of my back Tat!!  (not back FAT..yes I have it but that might have to be a blog post for another day.)

My kids have never expressed that they are embarrassed by me or anything so I think if they did I might modify my look, or if a friend of theirs stopped by or something.  

My whole life I have been told that as a woman I must be, look, talk, dress, act or respond a certain way. 

Frankly, that wasn't me!! 

*that doesn't mean I run around acting like a disrespectful douche to people, I do have manners and I am quite a nice person* 

I am no longer embarrassed or ashamed of my body!!

I am who I am....*you all said that in a Popeye the Sailor Man voice didn't you?*

Anyhooo...back to the title of this post,  To bra or not to bra!!  

Do you?   Would you?   Will you?   

Can we talk about SEX for a minute?

So many people see that 3 letter word S.E.X and they cringe and cover their kids eyes and ears.   I came from a family that never talked about any of that stuff.  I think it is a shame that many parents just hide the fact that humans are sexual beings.  We educate our children about other "adult" things like smoking, drinking and drugs, why not teach them about sexual health and the consequences that can happen to them if they choose to try things out too early in life.  

 When my mom told me about my period, she handed me a friggin pamphlet and told me to read it.  I was terrified.....I cried and wondered, "why does this have to happen to me"!!  I thought I was alone, like it was only going to happen to me because I had something wrong with me.   Even when I had questions I didn't feel comfortable asking my mom let alone anyone else.  So I went through a big part of my life being scared of naturally occurring things. 

That is why I vowed to always be open and honest about bodily functions, sex, and how to stay healthy.   We have openly discussed everything with our kids.
Now, don't get all freaked out, it isn't like we are inviting them into our bedroom and showing them how we do it!!  I am not some creepy perv!!  We use clinical terms and only give them as much information as they can handle and they feel comfortable coming to us with questions.

Have you seen what some of these young kids look like nowadays??  

They are developing faster physically and society pushes them to be so much more grown up than they are.  My kids have even told me stories about kids in their school who may be sexually active and I want my kids to be armed with the facts.  We discuss how to stay safe, and since we have a 14 yr old son and a premenstrual 11 yr old  it is imperative to keep our kids healthy and safe!!  Not to mention keeping them from becoming pregnant or getting someone pregnant, or getting some disease!!  We are not pushing sex on our kids, rather the message we drive home each time they have questions is that it is best to abstain until they are married ideally, or until they are much more mentally mature and ready to take on the responsibility.   We do not take it lightly at all.

Our goal is to give them facts, based on our personal experience as well as statistics as they are available from places like the CDC and health care professionals.   Arm yourself and your kids with knowledge.  If you don't know the answer to a question they have, look it up together.  No shame in admitting you don't know something.  

Sex is fun!! 

Our bodies are wonderful and complex things!!   

Being honest with kids about these things really allows for them to avoid being misinformed by their peers.   All kids talk to other kids about things like that.  I know I did.   

Some of the weird stuff I heard and later found out is just not true is mind boggling.   I wonder how many "false" stories there are out there?  
If you have any please share in the comments....would love to hear what other people heard when they were younger.  Don't be embarrassed, all women are the same and all men are the same.  We all come in different shapes, sizes and colors but physiologically we are all the same. 

Here are a couple I heard growing up :

"If you have sex standing up in the shower you can't get pregnant"  FALSE!!!

"You can't get pregnant if it is your first time"   FALSE, FALSE, FALSE!!!

Okay...now you share some that you may have heard.....GO!!