Sunday, July 6, 2014

Loving ourselves just as we are!

Venus and the Lute Player (1565–1570) by Titian

In this world where "thin is in" and supermodels are touted as "perfect specimens of womanhood" it really saddens me to hear other women who are moms putting themselves down.   I was reading a blog today and it kind of spurred this post today.  

I too am guilty of such behavior.   It sucks to turn on TV or read a magazine and the women in there are all thin, fit and don't have a mark or scar on them.  *Thank you photo shop*  Unless of course you are reading or watching something specifically geared toward overweight people.  Even then they are pushing everyone to be on a diet or exercising till they pass out, throw up or both!    We perpetuate the stigma that being overweight is bad and to some just plain gross and we need to stop this now and be accepting of every shape and size person.  Judging people for size is the same as judging people because of color.  Are you indeed a better person if you are thin??  (I know many mean spirited and angry thin people).

Back in prehistoric times the skinny women were not chosen as mates.  The "sturdier" women were the ones to go after because they were deemed healthier and more able to handle the rigors of survival.  

Go to a museum and look at paintings by famous artists where a naked woman is the subject.   More often than not those women had curves and cellulite dimples.   They are beautiful works of art!!  

Being thin does not make you a "beautiful person".  Nor does being fat make you a "disgusting pig".  

Being an overweight woman myself I have heard the whispers, comments and put downs. Even if it they aren't said at a level where I was supposed to hear, I did. Often times I would just try to ignore them and move forward.  But it doesn't mean the words don't hurt and leave scars deep inside.  

"Why is she even eating, it isn't like she couldn't stand to lose a few pounds!"

"She has such a pretty face and a great personality, too bad she is HEAVY."

"I can't believe they let her have a baby being as fat as she already is." 

*Then there are the comments from people who are supposed to love you.* 

"If you don't do something about your weight, no man is ever going to love you."  (this one came from my own mother just so you know)

"You have such a beautiful face, here is a salad" (instead of ice cream that we are all going to eat in front of you.)

I have always tried to fit in, and be funny.  I would constantly put myself down and point out to the whole room that I was fat before someone else did.   I figured if I just talk about the "proverbial white elephant" in the room then it is out there.  Everyone would know I am aware of my size and we can just move on.   It isn't fun to feel as if you have to put yourself down in order for people to like you.   

It took a long time to realize that if someone holds my weight against me in any way shape or form, then they don't deserve to be in my life.  

As a young adult I was happy with my body and I felt sexy.  After I had kids I didn't feel quite so sexy anymore and I didn't have anyone in my life that told me I was wrong for feeling that way.  I just kind of went with what society said was sexy and I decided that since I had kids I was no longer just living for me and I would just be a good mom and not worry about my own happiness or how I felt. 

I learned to be happy with myself and my body again.  Much of that happiness has happened in the past 5 years.  I have many friends who have actually told me that they never saw me as the size I am.  I was just Melissa, funny, loving and kind!!  

 My husband loves my body and has taught me to love my body again.  He tells me that my body is a playground and that he loves every inch of it!!  I have rolls on my tummy, and stretch marks and my boobs are not as perky as they were when I was younger, but that my friends is natural aging.  I am almost 48 years old.  I am not meant to look like I am 28, nor do I want to.
  We have sex more often than I ever thought a married person ever did.  We still have kids living in the house too.   Our kids are 14 and 11 and we are raising them to be proud of their body, no matter what shape it is.  They are healthy and active kids.   We feed our kids healthy foods, and sure they get treats on occasion.  No food is OFF limits in our house but the sugary ones and higher carb stuff is pretty limited.   

 I have been overweight since puberty, I have gained weight and I have lost weight.  At this time I have no major medical issues, as I have been hypothyroid since I was 10. 

 Does that contribute to my weight issue?  Yes, probably.  It sure doesn't make it easier to lose weight that is for sure. 
 Have I dieted?  Yep, you betcha I have.  I have done every diet/fast/program there is!!  (with the exception of surgery, which I believe is a personal decision and I know many people who have had surgery and I commend them for their bravery for making that decision for themselves.  I am not against it, just not something I think of as an option for myself.) 

The purpose for this rambling post is that we as human beings come in all different sizes.  Let's love each other for what is in our hearts and heads.   No one person is better or worse because of their size, color, religious preferences, who they love, what they eat...and the list goes on and on. 

 We are HUMANS....imperfect beings trying to all survive on this big blue rock, love yourself for your strengths!!  

Love your body for the amazing and miraculous things it does everyday!! 

For all you moms out there thinking that your body is "ruined" and will never be like it was before you had kids......Be so proud of yourselves and love your bodies, stretch marks, scars, saggy boobs and all.  You are bringing forth life into this crazy world.  Lives that can change the world, you have nourished and nurtured wonderful beings that just might grow up to change history, discover planets beyond the reaches we know now, or they might be the one who cures disease and heals our society!!   

You are all AMAZING!!   


  1. I totally agree... everyone needs to be more forgiving with themselves and love what they've got! I also think there is a natural acceptance that comes with age, I feel much happier with myself now than I did when I was younger.

    1. I just hope that I can convey that to my daughters and to my son as well. They are perfect just as they are and I want them to never feel the need to belittle themselves or feel inferior to others because "Everyone is different". I wish I had this attitude that I have now, when I was 25. But, then I might not be the person I am now. :)