While it is true that everyone has a different idea about what family means to them. Some are more close knit, some are spread out over many states or even countries.
As for my family, the one I grew up with as a child, meant family members all over. Some I keep in touch with and others I haven't talked to in decades. My immediate family, and by that I mean my husband, children and granddaughter are all very close knit. We look out for one another. If one of us hurts, we all hurt. When one is sad we rally around that one and do our best to make them smile and show them the silver lining in whatever the situation happens to be.
Right now we are rallying around our oldest daughter and granddaughter.
Why, you ask?
Well because unfortunately some people mature faster than others. Her and I have had our issues in the past and in my opinion, it is the past and it is over. The only thing we can do is move forward in a positive light. She has definitely matured faster than we could have ever hoped for, and unfortunately her boyfriend (baby's dad) isn't growing at the same rate.
She has done everything she could possibly do to keep things afloat in an often tumultuous relationship. A relationship that started when they were both 15 yrs old. Although it lasted but a year and then was reinvigorated again about 18 months ago. They have never really been on the same level. Now, I am not putting him down but, when you have a child together with someone there has to be big changes made to the way you live your life.
You now have another human being who is completely and utterly dependent on you both to support, encourage, feed, wash, dress and teach the important things in life. You have to work harder, lose sleep, miss meals or eat them cold. Baby comes first in most relationships right?
Well not in this boy's eyes. I had the mom radar go off shortly after she was born when he couldn't take a day off to drive her and their baby home from the hospital. It isn't easy to sit by and not say something when you see your child giving and giving and getting nothing back in return. All I could do was be supportive and encouraging. Trying to include a boy who caused our family so much strife and emotional pain when they were both 15. We pushed all the negativity aside and just moved on because of our daughter. She is our family and we don't duck out on our family. Even when we don't like the choices they make, we don't quit on them. We patiently wait until their blinders are off and they see the real picture.
Reality for her lately has been a very crappy apartment, filled with bugs and mice that she has really worked her ass off to keep under control. All while taking care of the cooking (if they had enough money to buy food), cleaning (if she even had the energy), taking care of a newborn who after 4 weeks ended up in the hospital for a week with a stomach virus. All of this while he had money for cigarettes, energy drinks and oh yea...beer, and he is underage!! He couldn't understand the depth of her exhaustion. He didn't understand when he gave her an ultimatum for her to choose him or his family, she chose her family. He didn't understand that keeping her away from her family would only draw her closer to her family and further away from him. We had to learn this when she was 15 and we knew if we forbade her seeing him, that it only pushed her towards him more.
Because of his not understanding, he lost an amazing young woman. She is a great mom, she has grown up so much and matured quickly. Taking to parenthood so naturally. Like every mom she feels as if she is never doing enough for her baby. Even though she is doing everything and then some extra despite her lack of sleep.
Sunday was the turning point for her. She found out he had been saving money on the side and didn't think she needed to know about it. All while she had no money for gas to go anywhere, there was no food in the house and she was hungry, but he had his cigarettes and energy drinks, neither of which are cheap. Then he tells her she isn't doing enough!! Here is where I get pissed off, because you do not tell a new mom who hasn't eaten well and has sleep deprivation that she isn't doing enough. Telling her that cut right through her heart.
The title of this post says it all......we are family, we stick by one another when one is weak we help them along. When one is hungry we share our food. When one is sick we nurse them back to health. FAMILY!! We are there for each other no matter what the circumstance. It is just who we are!! I know not all families are this way but ours is and I don't think ours is better than any other family, it just is how we do things.
Well the sun is up and I am sure I have babbled enough. Sorry if this post kind of goes all over the place but, I tried to let it flow and develop on it's own.
I had best get moving since today is a new day and we have lots to accomplish. I have all of my kids under one roof again along with my beautiful granddaughter.
Our family is strong....we will bend and flow with the changes that have been made. We will grow in strength and wisdom.
We are a family!!